footprints in water

This is the final boarding call.
For any of you who may be interested, I moved to a new space.
Thanks to those of you who have already boarded the Gee-train!


footprints in water

I'm going to make this one private shortly.
It may take me a week or two to figure that out, but I will give it a week or two anyway......

Mwahhhh.

I moved.

Hello. I'm moving to here.

Footprints in Water

Follow if you wish.
If you don't, it was nice knowing you.
Bye.

news or no-news

why, hello fellow bloggers.
Not much space to write in my world at the moment.
A good thing, I think.

I think bullet-points are called for:

• In a couple of hours time I will be standing outside a supermarket selling Girl Guide biscuits. You see, if your precious daughter joins Girl guides, you, the encouraging parent, become an honorary member. Thankfully the benefits of her joining, I believe, outweigh the non-benefits (biscuit selling time) - they do great things and teach some pretty cool life skills and attitudes.

• Girl guide biscuits are bad for you. They are an addiction you can never satisfy. {this is NOT one of the previously mentioned cool life skills Girl guides are about}. There are people I know who have bought a years supply.

• I am working 3 full days a week. This is an answer to prayer. I could not really justify being home with the kids both at school. I.just.couldn't. It really is not in my nature to have that much time to do unpaid stuff with. The position is only for this term - but better than nothing!

• Up at 6:30 this morning. That is a 45 min sleep in. That means I have successfully trained my body to wake early to exercise, once again. However, Saturday is my day off and I didn't want to exercise this morning.

•  Marmite is back on the shelves this month. Whoop!

• I am INCREDIBLY proud of how our kids have slotted back into the school system. And "phew", both achieving well enough to take the old "I hope I did enough with them" off my shoulders. Home-schooling, for me, really came down to that fine, incredibly fine, line between me educating them, and my relationship with them.

• Loving keeping life simple.

• MJ and I went into town last week for a date night. I am so fortunate to be married to my best friend. So blessed to be able to laugh together, talk together, and hang-out together. After almost 20 years of being together (15+ married) it's so cool that we still look forward date nights.

• I am moving on from this blog. A new season, a new something on my heart. Some random writings but I'm ready for a new space. Will let you know when I have time to sort it.

a Cat, an owl, a hoot and a robe.

Just before we left China, we were going over our travel itinerary with some friends.
We are going to Canada, we told them.
Going to stay with a friend of mine, I said.
From NZ? they queried.
No, I met her through blogging. Have never met face to face, but we've emailed regularly, I continued.
I think they live near the woods, I mentioned. So if you don't hear from us ever again..... it's because we went to stay with people I know from the internet who live near the woods, in Canada. We laughed. (Nervously?)

Actually, there was not one bit of hesitation about it.
We went and stayed with Cat and her a.m.a.z.i.n.g. family.
It was a turning point for us. A God stay. A God connection.
We had not wanted to return home. We had left our hearts in China, travelled through Seoul, New York.... had spent a couple of weeks seeing and doing some amazing things.... yet the thought of returning and re-entering NZ, for good, weighted us incredibly.

Until Cat's place.

Cat and Steve..... it was like meeting up with old friends.

MJ and Steve were united in not wanting to be any part of the pj-wearing or gangsta posing.
Even though they share a love of TuPac.

Seriously. Seriously, seriously, seriously.
We bunkered down at their place. It rained, but it was almost perfect timing.
We stopped.
We talked.
We ate.
We walked.
We bush-crashed.
We drank wine.
We watched movies.
We laughed.
We roasted wieners (HAHAHAHAHAHA - immature of me, I know, but a roasted wiener, is a roasted wiener.)
We did 'normal'.
We shared.
We celebrated (there was a birthday).
We saw an owl. UP close. Such an incredible creature.
We laughed some more (there was a famous movie, with an awesome robe).
We slept. Dozed off in front of movies.... they may have been drool and chip crumbs.....
We talked more.
We (MJ and I) listened, observed and took note.

They reminded us about "home".
Not the building, not the country, not the life-busys....
but HOME.

Obviously a deep and meaningful discussion here....

The feeling, the nurturing of body, soul and mind, family-ness, the embracing of the blessing of creation.....
It readied us.

some serious wiener roasting...

It is not often that I meet people who truly, whole-heartedly live and walk in what they say they believe. They say it - they do it. They believe it - they live it.
They have integrity - and it is a characteristic I hold with such value.

And with that, please visit and see what they are doing - it's awesome.
I say "they" even though it's Cat's pilgrimage... they are a family that support each other in following heart and dreams...... and on rockier journeys. They are real people-people.
The Pilgrimage and the Heart

MJ managed to be the photo taker - I have no photos of him with us!!
I am learning the ins and outs of wiener roasting....

We love that Canadian family.
My kind of normal.

butterfly kisses.

This made me cry.
It is both beautiful and sad.




The bride's father had passed away.... so for the bride and father dance, her brother recorded this song, and the bride danced with her grandfather, her brothers and her new father-in-law.


I miss my dad.
There's no replacement.... but I'm so thankful for the men in my life (MJ, brothers, brothers-in-law, Father-in-law) and family who can provide that shoulder to cry on.

you're beautiful....

there's a bit of James Blunt crooning in the background
while I sip on my second bottle of cider..... as the suns streams in...... and I reflect on what the next 3 weeks will, or might, look like.... without cider.

Our NZ church family starts the infamous Daniel Fast tomorrow.
Up until a couple of hours ago, MJ and I were undecided about whether or not we would join in.
We've decided to.... but are not going to religiously follow the rules of the DF down to the last potato.
We ARE however going to fast from a few things that we truly enjoy (the odd bottle or two of cider or beer) and things that are our comfort/go-tos...... or gluttonous indulgences (those things we've been hoe-ing into and chowing down on landing in NZ. Whittakers may suffer profit loss). There are a few other food things that we have eliminated too.... but when we were looking at our diet overall, we noticed that actually our diet is predominantly whole-foods based.... it's those pre-packaged indulgence goodies and a little red meat that make the real difference - and we had cut back a lot of red meat eating simply because to buy hormone-free, organic red meat is expensy. Too expensy. So we had limited it. A LOT.

Anyhoo. What it came to, was the purpose of the fast. Not what we were or were not going to eat.

The question of there being anything that has been an over-hanging issue or problem or dark cloud in your life and whether or not you have just accepted that as being forever part of your life and therefore you have settled into a place of acceptance of it.......... or whether or not you want to confront it and go with God on it and seek a solution to be free from it....... ?????? Well, yeah, I couldn't deny that there are things I WANT to partner up with God about.

There are LOTS of things that internally I'm on my knees about, but physically have not got on my knees about.
And in fasting, whatever we've eliminated, we're seeking God and His answers.
There are so many anxieties floating around in our home at the moment with what 2013 will be about for us as we now transition out of holiday and down-time and into a new school year.... a new school start for Miss O, a first school entry for Mast. T...... I can lift them up.  I can without the fast, but I WILL with the fast.

Quiet times.
The stack of books I've been "meaning to" read because I know they will offer me wisdom and some guidance.
Journal-ing.

Bible.

.... so the bottle of cider has emptied. I may have another cheeky one tonight.
James Blunt has moved on. His words linger.


You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.

God sings this to us continuously. He sees our faces, in crowded places..... but, unlike James Blunt.....
God does know what to do.

I'm about to make space in this crowded place so I can connect with Him.
I need this.

a time for what??

I'm not one to wish away school holidays.
I've always loved having my kids around.
Over the past week it has been interesting reading all the pointed status updates with regards to school starting back, exasperated parents ready for those 6 hours, well 7/8-ish if you can push them out to the walking school bus early and perhaps a play date after school .......

in all honesty, I don't get it.
Sorry if that makes me abnormal.
Oh, and yes, I'm fully aware that I ONLY have 2 small people in my care........ (rolling my eyes here)

Do my kids fight? yes.
Make excessive amounts of noise? yes.
Antagonize, poke, hit, kick, scream, throw things at each other, around the room, at me, stomp, stamp, cry..... (no need to continue)..????  um, yes..
Do they get bored? oh yes, not just bored, but SO BORED.
Are they constantly hungry? snort. oink.
Do they go on and on at me? sometimes.
Mess? hahahahahaha. Is there another way to live?

Yet, still, I REVEL in having them at home during the holidays.
And further still, I don't go out of my way to try and entertain them. We may visit a park or beach, catch up with people we don't get a chance to see often or the odd friend, but I'm not big on overloading them with playdates.
The cousins come over on the days my sister works, and the four of them play, fight, cry, laugh, antagonize, tease, moan and whinge together.
This is life. They can work it out together - of course I am often refereeing, helping them compromise, problem solve, feeding them, calling out what needs to be picked up and put away.....
Do I enjoy every moment? No, definitely not, and I can only assume that the ones who seemingly count down to the start of school are "in" a suck moment......
At the end of the day, I'm exhausted.
I wake up the next day and we're on repeat.

BUT, these are the HOLIDAYS.
A time to just be. At home. Warts and all.
A time to be content. Not for me to make them content, but for them to discover the joy and contentment in just BEING a child.
A time for me to enjoy.
A time for life to switch to cruise mode.......
A time to model contentment to those trusted to my care.... they watch, they copy. They hear, they mimick.
A time to invest and to sow.
A time to feel safe and take refuge (away from school-life pressures).

School is back next week for us.
It has been A LONG break.
And after 18months of homeschool, it is another adjustment period for us.
I will miss them. A lot lot lot.
However, I know that they will love being back, and I know that each child, in every classroom, will work hard. And that school is structured. Routined. TIRING.
School brings with it other dynamics. Peer interaction, teacher expectations, school, ministry expectations...... lots and lots and lots and lots.


And then before we know it we'll be counting down until the holidays again.

and then she was nine.

I don't remember giving permission for this to happen.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I said that there would be no turning 9.
Another year of  8, please.
I liked 8.
9 seems like a LEAP from 8.

How does this happen?
The whole time going by so quickly where one day you are ooo-ing and gooo-ing, blowing raspberries at the most inappropriate times, bum shuffling, playing with saucepans, squirting the hose into your own face, laughing rawkessly at bubbles..........

 needing me........


to the next day where you are painting your nails, drawing designs, reading 450 - page books, talking to friends on the phone, writing stories, planning adventures, making decisions, counting pocket money, taking a stand against palm oil users, having educated opinions about this and that......

needing me... less.... yet more.... differently.....

ah nine. You can come. Feel welcome. Do your thing.

I just wish 8 could have stayed a bit longer.

bite sized morsels.

:: I think I am now up-to-date with "what's the haps" in NZ chocolate. It's still all good.

:: decaf, organic coffee beans are hard to find..... and when you do find them, their price jumps out and clobbers you. I'm 3 months caffeine-free. It's a worthy status.

:: the number of boxes is decreasing. Order is being restored.

:: we are going to have a most massive garage sale. The kids need to try and raise funds to replace the trampoline pads that deteriorated while we were away and I am happy to donate all our throw-away stuff to their cause.

:: school re-enrollments:check. school uniforms:check. school fees: try again later.

:: going microwave-less. (Cat will be proud). So far, so good.

:: just took out $300 in coins. All ready for a year of pocket money  which needs to be split into save/spend/give. Also ready for all those ridiculous little amounts of money that is requested for sausage sizzles etc.

:: NZ TV. (feel my eyes roll)

:: we have curtains in the master bedroom.

:: had a moment in the bank yesterday. Told them how ridiculous it is that in this day and age you cannot set up an automatic payment into an international account. Oh, you can make payments, but each transaction costs $25 dollars. They felt my  "are you kidding me???" wrath. Then I held up the lunch time rush by ordering the mentioned $300 in coins. And to all the sighing in the queue behind me, I quipped "what? I come in here once a year." not friends with the bank.

:: driving again has it's moments.

:: looking for another family holiday ...... we've grown wings in this household. And maybe itchy feet. gonna start entering competitions again, I think.

:: Unpacked my clothes boxes, yes two of them, yesterday. And the suitcase that was labelled: scarfs and hats 47 items. Not too many.

:: I wish I was a rock-star. uh-oh, uh-oh. {Car sing-alongs}

:: no pictures. not that organized yet.

in between homes

We're a bit in the wilderness here.

(Hello, Christmas Blessings, Happy New Year).

We're home, in New Zealand.
We're missing home, in China.

I'm not sure how other people do this. Move away and move back.
In many ways moving away is much easier than moving back.
You know that you will be returning, re-entering... and that helps sustain you while you are away.

And then when you do return....you miss and you wonder.... when will we go back there? Soon? Not soon? Years from now?? There is no definite answer on that. And it kind of breaks your heart.

We are exhausted.
Though that does not really seem to mean much to anybody.
The moment we landed, obligation reared its hideous head.
The phone rang. The invitations came.
We would politely refuse.
They would still come.

Can I just say, it HAS to be OK to say NO.
(One thing I do not quite understand is WHY parent allow their children to question other adults when they say NO???? WHY??? If I say 'no, my children can't' then I don't think I owe anyone else's children an explanation for that.
I actually think a lot of children these days are just not used to hearing and accepting 'NO'.)

So we are sleeping in.
We are moving slowly.
We are enforcing SPACE and stillness.
We are reviewing and reflecting.
We are setting up life again.
We are saying YES to God and NO to people.


Our last two weeks in China were the most stressful we've ever had. Things seemed to go haywire, MJ had to work right up to the day before we flew and then we had to deal with our heavy
hearts .... walking the streets and saying goodbye.
As we walked through our neighbourhood, Miss O cried that she didn't feel as though NZ was home, but that China was. It was hard to hear.
I cried buckets as we said goodbye to friends, not knowing when our paths would meet in real-life again.
Our driver, who took us to the airport where we hugged him (this is not something he does) and told him what a good person he is.... he walked us right up to the passport check. And then kept texting us until boarding time.
"I will miss you". "thank you". "Call me when you get home". "You are good people".

Those kind of goodbyes are hard.

We pretty much slept through Seoul, in South Korea. I almost collapsed in the hotel lobby from exhaustion. MJ pushed to get us into our room as quickly as possible.
 It felt so strange there. An Asian country that looked like China, yet sounded and felt so incredibly different. 

We had a blessed time in America.
CANADA is a whole other blog post, so, so blessed. Cat, Steve, Aiden.... we love you.
I will write more another time.

My word for 2013?
Not your typical, deep and meaningful word.

Health.
It actually came to me as I was journaling on a plane.

Health.
Health - spiritual, emotional, physical.

There is more.
But I think this is enough for me today.

zài jiàn Zhongguo

I don't even know really where to start with saying goodbye to this place. It has captured my heart somewhat.

While "zài jiàn" is used to say goodbye in Chinese..... it literally translates to See You Again.

And that is where I am at.
See you again, China.
zài jiàn Zhongguo

I am an emotional mess.
Seriously.
Literally.
My head space is not great.
I am struggling with the enormity of packing up again and moving home.
My heart though, is very ready for home.
The enemy is having a field day - stealing my joy at every given opportunity .... and I am so overwhelmed with anxiety and tiredness, I am an easy target.


I need some feet in sand time and I am really looking forward to that.
I need some grief time.
I need some process time.
We as a family need some rest time.
Our visits home over the past year have all been crazy-busy. We are going to quietly assume our life in NZ and slowly find our feet. I will not be answering the phone or giving into the pressure to be anywhere.

As much as having the kids at home with me 24/7 has had its crazy stretching challenges..... I will miss them as they inevitable reenter state schooling. I am excited for them at the same time as sad. But it has been wonderful learning at our pace and in this culturally-rich environment too, taking walks, learning and using the language, dodging scooters, making dumplings, experiencing so many new and wonderful things..... planting a seed and watching a heart grow for this land.
One of our kids does not want to return to New Zealand.
My heart aches with love and immense pride for what God has done in that child.
I have hurt with her, cried with her and questioned/lamented on her behalf as the enemy has tried more than once to create a fear of China in her heart. Each time she has stood in her faith. I know my God is bigger. And we've watched, in awe, as any attempted attack by the enemy has completely washed away without second thought.
I want the faith of a child.....

See you again, my dear friend.
I have been so privileged to have a friend here whom I know God put in place (I know she quietly blog reads :). She has been a tower of stabilizing, encouraging strength. A friendship we had to establish quickly, yet it has been so, so easy. We share common ground moving here within a few months of each other, trying to set up a life in a land SO foreign to home. She has been someone I have been able to cry with too. I am so thankful. I will miss her incredibly.... but its a see you again.


See you again, beautiful people.
I return home with a new-found understanding and appreciation for the people of this enormous country. No brief visit can give anyone any idea of what it can be like to live here or be one of so many, many people. I am so appreciative of this opportunity to live and learn here. Their history is so incredibly long, complex and rich. I understand completely now why transition from China to NZ can be difficult for those who immigrate. I so hope to be helpful in this respect when we are home again.

Right from the start, God showed me, reminded me that each and every person here has been created, desired, purpose... knitted together in their mothers womb with love..... made in His image.
Each person unique.
Each person planned.

I will watch this country with great interest. I will pray for the people, the leadership here with great hope. I know that God is doing His-thing here and I am excited about what that will mean and bring.

Well, I must go and finish packaging up stuff that is going to take a good two months to find its way back to NZ. In the meantime we will make do with our four suitcases which are predominantly full of winter clothes for the next month of travelling in the northern hemisphere. Will make for an extra HOT summer in NZ when we arrive.
No worries.

Please, if you are a prayer warrior-princess, lift me up.
I would appreciate it so much.
I hate this anxiety, I remember feeling the same way before moving here.... but am feeling it more now and fear is creeping in.
Also would appreciate your prayers for the family too - none of us are feeling particularly excited about actually leaving here..... but I'm hoping the next month of travelling will change that. We are so thankful for this opportunity.

Much love and blessings,




P.S. CAT- You are such a LIGHT in the travel itinerary. I.cannot.wait. Seriously. Makes me smile.

in my head....

I'm in awe of God.

This song is on repeat in my head .....

Crucified
 Laid behind a stone
 You lived to die
 Rejected and alone
 Like a rose
 Trampled on the ground
 You took the fall
 And thought of me
 Above all





I cry everytime I hear or sing that chorus.

He thought of me,
Above All.

We are so loved.

jintian....

today.

: feeling slight overwhelmed. Packing, moving, travel, packing, sorting, homeschooling, packing.... yes, expat-wives problems, I know.

: super tired. BIG weekend last one, feel so privileged to have stood here in a place with history we all know, but is never really spoken about here .... and prayed for this nation:

: two weeks till we leave.

: had a quiet cuppa tea yesterday to mark my Dad's birthday. Shed lots of tears last week..... would love just a few more cups of tea with him. No talking. Just sitting. It struck me last week how much of a "go-to" Dad had been for me. Often in spaces where I felt overwhelmed, angry, defeated, tired.... I'd go and sit and have a cuppa..... and breathe. Not necessarily asking him for advice or even talking, but he had a calming influence.

I realised, that this is where I'm being pointed to.
My "go-to" needs to be Our Father.

Becs posted this on FB earlier in the week. It resonated well within my soul:
"God’s a safe-house...a sanctuary during bad times.
 The moment you arrive, you relax; you’re never sorry you knocked."
~ Psalm 9:9 (message)

Ah yes, my go-to.

: as I pack stuff up, the house seems empty. Even though it is filled with someone elses furniture and is a total tip.

: set up a club penguin account for the girl. Wonder how long this fad will last. She promises that moshi monsters will not get neglected.

: the boy has build a lego statue of liberty.

: November, the month of thanksgiving. I noted all the #iamthankful status updates this morning. I love that...... perhaps the challenge for 2013..... a thankful post a day? oooooo. I wanna say not possible..... but it could be the blogging incentive I need.

: favour. This word sums up so much. I want to add the..... "but why what's the catch?" to it. But am strongly battling the inner voice that is trying to knock me down rather than build me up. The one that makes me try to argue the case... questions my worthyness.

He is a God who loves us uniquely, He listens, He hears, He knows. There is no catch. There is only love. His favour.... in His time.

: yes, once again we have non-matching photos.
I am trying to keep up with the gangsta chronicles.

then it goes and boils dry.

would you believe it?
Just after I wrote that last post, my kettle actually BOILED DRY.
Now I have a dilemma.
We have four weeks to go. Do I actually purchase a new kettle?
Or do I embrace the Amish in me and boil water in a pot on the gas...... and supplement with purchased lattes?

God is talking to me.
The questions I have floating in my head space about resettling at home, finding my feet and position there...... while not letting go of some new life perspectives I have. So much, so much.

Good news: I found a weekend I thought I had lost. I need to read the calendar with more care.

I'm a connector.
For some reason, I can meet people easily.
Two days running I have met new people while buying coffee.
The two are joined at the hip. Coffee and social interaction.
I've joked .... and said the invitation to speak with me was tied up in the matching tracksuit I was wearing.... but really, I know, it is something God-given.
I smile, say hello..... and people run with it. Especially here in the fairly isolating environment that it can be if you are not local.

Both men gave me their business cards. (This may sound dodgy, but in my pre-coffee, non make-up, ratty hair and two kids in tow state..... I'm pretty sure I was not giving off any "available" signals) Both have families here and I could hear between the lines. And I was able to point them in a couple of directions: One to an international sports group, the other to our international fellowship. Where both, I say confidently, will be able to meet and mix with others.
Connection.
I felt good.

I feel great that a matching tracksuit did not put off anyone from engaging in conversation with me.

“Never let haters 'still' your flow. They can only do so with your permission.” ~ T. F. Hodge

Back to the kettle.
What to do.

And yeah, the photos have absolutely nothing to do with what I've written. There are just so many photos.

while the kettle boils......

making a cup of tea is a bit of an art from isn't it?
I love waiting for the water to boil.
Odd, I know.

It's a great reflection space.
Or non-reflection space.
Both work.

And now that I finally have a teapot (it has taken me a long time to find one that will hold more than 1.5 decent cups of tea).... I can wait for the 'right' time to let it draw..... and then pour.
Tea first.
Milk next.
And if you must, sugar.

That is all for today.

opportunity

I wonder how often opportunity knocks and goes by unanswered.

I have found myself reflecting this week on what might have been if we had said 'no'.

 

 

I have then found myself so thankful that we said 'yes'

and for this incredible opportunity to actually

live-out

an opportunity.

 

A God opportunity.

 

the flesh instantly said 'no'

the spirit turned that around.

 

I am thankful.

 

Our Ayi has been teaching me to cook a few local dishes.

I am thankful for her.

I am praying for her.

 

I will miss her.



I will miss Wednesday nights off cooking. 

 



A month or so old.

 

Totally delicious.

 

I have settled for a stuffed version.

Here's one all grown up.......



 

There is so much colour here.

 

And sweetness. And spice.

 

Bicycle pedalling to make candy-floss.

 

Ingenious.

I feel so incredibly proud, PROUD of our two.

They have embraced.

They have lived here and loved here.

They have plans, individually to return.

 

God-given opportunity, yet again I am thankful for you.

 

The future ....... seeded, watered, and now going to have time to take root and grow.

I am thankful for the generations before.



 

Colour and tea.



And crotchet smurfs.

Thankful for the opportunity to sing Amazing Grace with these two.....

strumming-it ever so softly in the middle of a busy tourist spot.

 

Knowing that Amazing Grace is what unites us..... though not actually speaking it.

 

Bless them.